Monday, December 26, 2011

Amazing Grace...

When I first became aware of God and the power that goes along with the Truth of Being, I sort of got selfish. I wanted it for myself. I felt smug toward those who were still deeply embedded in the material world. Especially the ones who had plenty, the ones who judged us when we had financial difficulty. The friends who talked behind our backs as we sufferered the consequences of our thoughts of lack. As I mentioned in an earlier confession, I had felt justified in my joy at their recent mis-fortunes, since they had behaved unkindly toward us. Inexcusable. I could not allow this eye for eye attitude to continue on and I could feel where I was being held back spiritually and I even knew on some level why, but I needed help getting free from those condemning thoughts and the glee I felt at their expense. And my guilty conscience started to feel more and more that God knew my dispicable thoughts and even though He knows only my good, I couldn't feel it and that became unbearable to me and so that motivated change. As I've come to understand more and more how much God truly loves each of us, so much so that He sacrificed His only begotten Son to guide us back to Him, I am in awe and as I feel this awe I no longer feel joy in others suffering, no matter what I feel transpired between us. I also am becoming more aware of how infinitely patient He is with each one of us. Quietly waiting for each of us to return to Him, without being angry at us for straying (as in the prodigal son) and since it is my desire and should be the desire of each of us returning to Him to be exactly like Him, then I too must become infinitely patient with all those around me, no matter what, I have to be unmoved. To be still and know is how we serve Him. We have to be like Him and harbor no resentment when people spit on us and defile us with their uncaring attitudes. We have all spit on Him and defiled Him with our own uncaring attitudes at some point in time and yet He welcomes us back with open arms and a love so pure that it transforms even me, the most horrible, dispicable one.

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