Monday, December 26, 2011

Spending Time With God...

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. As for me and my family it was a perfect couple of days. Our family has always celebrated Christmas Eve and then on Christmas morning the kids come out and see what Santa left. This year was no exception. However, the past few years on Christmas Day I have been spending more and more time with God. While everyone is having fun with their new goodies, I will sneak off for some quality meditation time. This seems like the perfect gift for both God and myself. It's really the only thing on His list and probably should be the only thing on mine. My Christmas meditation was well spent. I laid all of my desires and passions and addictions at His feet, admitting that I'm completely incapable of discerning what He created for my body temple to be the perfection that He desires it to be. I want out of this cycle. I asked for Divine Understanding, Divine Love and Wisdom to be united in me, so that I may only desire the pure foods and drink that He created for my body. I admitted that I love food far too much and that I don't want to love food so much anymore. It feels empty to me. It feels wrong to love something in the material world so much. All those Christmas traditions, comfort foods and such. I asked Him to remind me to come straight to Him when such desires arise. I know that what I'm really desiring is God. He will satisify my hunger and quench my thirst. I asked to be purified in body mind and soul. I know that on this path you become more sensitive to the outer world, more susceptible to addictions of food, drink, drug and material acquisition and it has to be rooted out at all costs. This is why Jesus taught that it was so important to become purified. Now, not one to make New Years resolutions, but this IS the ideal time to go forth and make a change as grand as this one, to have a fresh start. I prayed for strength to make this change. I asked for Divine discernment.

I almost went to midnight mass, but there is something that holds me back from going to church again. Several years ago I attended Unity services regularly and I ended up being sidetracked by all the outer activity. I was over-involved, it became more of a social outlet and my growth stopped. I really don't believe that we're even supposed to have churches. I sort of feel that the church spoken of in the bible is the secret place within that we meet God (in the silence). It may have its place, but at this stage in my development it seems uneccessary. I start to miss all the festivities at this time of year, the songs, the kids performing the Nativity play, all that good stuff, but I know the truth, that it's not what God want's from us, he would much rather we just be still. This is the material me fighting to stay alive, the one who wants all the holiday trimmings which have nothing to do with God. If there is a way to blend both I suppose He will reveal that to me in time. I need to feel more "in this world but not of it". In asking to have the Christ body created, I'm starting to feel as if I eat too much, (although by most standards I don't), but I feel as if I'm being told that I will require less and less food as this process takes place and eventually not need it at all, although the complete lack of need may take place in the next dimension. I also have this sort of blueprint in my imagination for my perfect body and I'm starting to feel as if I am actually looking like the blueprint. I'm paying attention God, but I need help and guidance. I promised to come to Him first. I've been conflicted about food my entire life and I'm ready to know the Truth. I don't think He reveals anything to us until we are absolutely ready and I also think we become ready in stages, at least that's been my experience. The main thing is that the Still Small Voice seemed pleased and in agreement that I am ready to take the steps, to make the changes for the Christ body to unfold. This is what has been revealed to me as I meditate on His pure, vast and unconditional love for all of us. As I am becoming less selfish, I am receiving more in all departments and faculties. Okay, now as we know I am prone to tangents and that last sentence reminds me of something, so here it goes...

Out of my three boys, there is one who is super helpful. He helps out from a place of love and not for reward. It's so pure. The other two do it out of, "let's just get this done to shut mom up and we can get back to our fun". The helpful one never asks for an allowance. If we're having guests over he will vacuum, dust, put stuff away (whether it's his or not). The interesting thing is that I find myself always wanting to give him extra money, I am constantly sneaking cash to this kid. The boy ALWAYS has an abundance of cash in his pockets. No matter how much he spends, he's got more by the end of the day. We were out the other day and he saw a Star Wars action figure he wanted and it took up all but .15 cents of his cash. We came home and later that day he helped me put up the Christmas lights and found he had more cash in his pockets. The other boys begrudgingly offered to help but ended up running around in the yard and having fun, while my helpful son, opened the boxed lights, took the twist ties off the new strands, handed me the lights and helped keep them untangled while I stood on the ladder and put them on the house. I point this out because I think this is the way God works as well and why it's so important to ask to be purified. We used to tithe at Unity because we were told we would reap one hundred fold. We were not doing it out of any kind of love for God, it was only for the loaves and fishes. There was a lot of grumbling from the congregation about tithing as well and some did not tithe and some were like us and did it for the reward. As I've asked to be purified and I know how much God loves each of us, my giving does seem to come from a much purer place and I do receive a steady and endless supply, God seems to stash money in my pockets constantly. I know that I am becoming more pure in my giving because I get a lump in my throat when I see or think of someone who does not have enough. As I pulled into a shopping center the other day, I noticed a woman hand a bag of food to an elderly man asking for money at the exit before she made her turn. This act of love brought tears to my eyes. I also get upset at those who are careless with their words and shout, "get a job" to someone who has no clue how much God loves him and wants so badly to give him everything he needs. AND, I'm starting to feel the same compassion toward the shouter and the ones who have enough but still are not "prosperous" or know how much God loves them. Giving has to be from a pure place and that takes meditation and prayer, we have to ask to be purified. When you begin to care so much that a child somewhere might not have any toys under his tree that you will spend your last $10 to make sure he has at least one small gift or when you see someone hungry in your neighborhood and you feel so horrible that you are compelled to drive thru Wendy's
to make sure he has lunch, even though you didn't have the time and were'nt going there for yourself, well that is God's pure love working through you and it's a complete circle, giving and receiving.
This is the spirit of Christmas that needs to be cultivated and expressed throughout the entire year, throughout ones entire lifetime. A gift blessed with God's love, whether a toy, cash or food will continue to bless and give forever. Even if just the blessing is all you have to give it will continue on for both the giver and the recipient.

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