Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Dross...


Definition of DROSS
1: the scum that forms on the surface of molten metal
2: waste or foreign matter : impurity
3: something that is base, trivial, or inferior

"Take away the dross from the silver, And there cometh forth a vessel for the refiner".

God being the refiner, as He purifies us, He makes our temple ready for His habitation and we become one with Him and share in His Omnipotence.



After meditating on the sofa today and feeling more of the strange mix of sadness and gratitude I'm finally able to figure out what it really means. This growth is done in phases and I've asked before why that is and the feeling I get is that the joy we start to feel is so immense that it would crush us and so I really think this is a milder form of being crushed by feelings of joy. The sadness dissipates in time and leaves the pure joy in its wake. It's not truly sadness, but more that it's pure joy and I'm not used to the immensity and so being one who needs to label, I've called it sadness. I'm starting to feel that I need a whole new language to describe some of the feelings that accompany me on this journey. I have always been a little apprehensive, as most people are I'm sure to surrender my will to His. I always feel that I'm going to lose myself and even though the fear is there, I went ahead and surrendered my will to His anyway, which means I am ready to trust. I have never been let down or disappointed. Every step I've taken into the Kingdom has eliminated only the yuck and what was truly good within me endured and became stronger. I'm still me only better, stronger, healthier and happier. It turns out there was never anything to fear in surrendering. I remember having a conversation with someone at Unity about some of the people we knew who seemed to be on "the path" and how they sort of seemed to have lost their sense of humor and it sort of scared us. We didn't want to stop being able to point out others short-comings in our funny, silly ways. I think we all fear this to some extent, but maybe it's okay to lose this, maybe we don't need to make light of others' faults to make ourselves seem funny. I still laugh at stuff, but it has to be funny in a spontaneous way, not pre-meditated and being funny just for the sake of being funny now really bugs me. Maybe those we knew who seemed strange to us just never did have a sense of humor to begin with, who knows? One of the people whom we talked about was a woman we knew of who had come to God because of tremendous tragedy and maybe her robot-like manner was just her way of getting through the death of her infant son and losing the other one in a custody battle to her ex. I probably would not be able to see the funny side of life given those life experiences either. Maybe the trade off is empathy and compassion. Part of this whole gratitude/sadness has much to do with how amazing I've begun to realize that this Divine plan is and once I realized there actually was one and I started working it in my life, I began to feel this surge of awe for my Creator and all that He is doing through me, the amazing and seeming miracles that took place sporadically which are now common everyday occurances have had a profound impact on me and again there are sometimes just no words to express the depth of my feelings, since I've never felt them or the intensity of them before. It's like I'm waking up and experiencing the world for the first time. Everything seems new and full of wonder. Try living in the now and see how amazed you will feel at the most mundane things. As I'm typing my youngest is on the couch behind me and I can hear him chomping on a snowman sugar cookie and I'm gushing at how much I love this little person and that I'm able to experience him without even looking at him. My senses seem to have become hyper aware of all things around me since becoming a meditator. More awe.

No comments:

Post a Comment