Friday, January 13, 2012

Self Imposed Prison...

Last night as I drifted off to sleep, I again asked what it is that I need to understand. In last nights dream my family and I were held as hostages in a home, by a crazy person. The odd thing was that I was the only one who seemed to want to escape, everyone else just accepted it as their fate and tried to make the best of the situation. This is how I feel a lot of the time. We're all in this self-imposed dungeon and I can see freedom, but no one else seems to care or want to be free of the self-imposed restrictions. I was reminded last night that it only takes one person to Understand God and to make changes in a household or even out in the world. Although no one else helped or cared to leave (saying the accomodations were nice enough and the food was okay), I finally found a way out. I see my extended family feasting on scraps when they could attend the real feast. So many complaints about how the government is out to get them, how it's always the fault of someone else for their mis-fortune. Even if they had the right politicians and the right circumstances they would still find something to complain about. They are stuck in the dungeon and don't really want to escape. It's comfortable there for them, they know what to expect, it's easy. But it only takes one person to taste freedom and eventually the rest will follow. It reminds me of the movie Logan's Run, where no one is allowed to live past 30, but there are the rebels who believe in Sanctuary who are brave enough to risk everything to venture outside of the prison and they find what they're looking for in the form of an old man with wrinkles and grey hair, proof of their hearts desire. They go back to tell the others, but they all doubt at first because it's too good to be true and the most resistant of them died for a world they didn't even particularly care for because they were so completely brainwashed into thinking it was the only way, but eventually they persuade them to come and see the old man outside and they are finally free to live as they please.
Today i am looking at some of the ways in which I'm still a prisoner, how I keep myself inside a box when there is much more for me outside of the box. Today I'm exploring the attitudes and conditioning that keep me stuck so that I may be aware of them and then release them to move up and accept a higher state of consciousness which will express itself outward into the material world. I think that we all continuously keep evolving, maybe even God, ever moving forward, evolving, growing, Understanding together. This is a difficult concept if you're like me and you're results oriented. I have a part of me that wants everything all wrapped up neatly and completed, but that is death. And death has to be rooted out at all costs. We're constantly in flux, flowing and moving and changing, there is no completing, only change. I'm working on accepting growth and change as my reality, rather than completion and finality. This takes the pressure off of me. I sometimes feel guilty when I achieve something and then move on to the next goal, maybe this is the way it's supposed to be. My goals are all on the inner works but I notice that my outer world has no other alternative but to express change. My material world is constantly changing as if it had no other alternative (which I'm learning, it doesn't), that dilutes the pressure right there. It's starting to feel less greedy and more of just a natural outgrowth of my new consciousness. I've had trouble in this area before, feeling guilty for all the good I've received and now I'm seeing it's not anything that could be stopped. We're told in Matthew how this works...

For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath.

At first glance this seems cruel. Those who have, more will be given and to those who don't it will be taken away, (how is that fair)? And maybe this is why some people think of God as angry. But if you really understand this passage it's clear that it's God as Law and it cannot be changed. Those who understand God and work His laws in their lives will reap the rewards and those who don't will suffer lack until they learn. Simple as that. This is one of the prison's I've been stuck inside. Feeling unworthy and guilty of receiving God's abundance and trying to put limits on His good for me, (I actually do this), try and stop the flow of good, thinking I don't deserve it and it's just too much for one person. This has to go. It's not for me to tell God what to give. My only job is to free myself of those wrong ideas so that His good can flow unhindered through me and out into the world. This is why I get a stomach ache. If I let this go on, I'm sure I could cause real damage to my physical self. Today I give thanks for the visions and dreams and I release all that no longer serves me and go forth into my expanded good.

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