Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Re-Newed...

I've taken a much needed break from my little blog, but today I wanted to check in to say "hi" and let you know that I've been using my time away very wisely. I have some amazing things going on here, although I'm not yet ready to reveal them. So many exciting things are happening in our lives. I feel as if I could just burst with happiness and joy. And of course the biggest gift of all is the greater understanding and trust I've gained for my Creator. To be able to hear His voice in those moments when all the doubts comes up to tell me all the reasons I shouldn't or can't have these desires manifest. To be able to just be still and know in the midst of my chaotic mind. To hear God's voice say to me, "why would I bring this as far as I have, just to say, PSYCHE...I had asked and He said yes and of course when I'm so very close, those little evil thoughts got louder and louder in my head. BUT...this is the beauty of bothering to get to know God, really understand Him versus our limited human perception of Him. He will reveal Himself to each one of us if we make the first move and he does so in our daily lives, in the mundane as well as the extrordinary. The more we ask to know Him, the more He will reveal Himself to us and as that happens the good in our lives begins to have a snowball effect and in every area of our world. Whenever I needed inspiration, He led me to the right book to remind me of His promises. Whenever I could not see my own good, He sent me a friend to pray for me. I am so grateful for all involved who are helping us move towards these goals. I have such great friends who were willing to drop everything and pray for us any time of day or night, whenever the fear struck and tried to consume me. You will never know what your friendship means to me and my family. This all started with me having a meltdown. It always does. I sit by myself and get angry, cry, tell God that I'm upset about the circumstances, that I feel as if it's taking too long, that I'm dissatisfied. I used to think that doing this was bad, but in my experience, pouring my heart out to God does get the ball rolling, whereas before I would ask and wait and nothing. It's as if He needs to know that I'm serious or maybe I need to get it all out of my system to move forward. And of course as soon as I had this meltdown all the antithesis came pouring down around me. I remembered to ask smart questions and He led me and is leading me still step by step. At one particular time in the beginning, I asked, "what does this mean", and almost instantly He answered, "I know this looks bad, but it's actually a good thing, a clearing away, to make way for your desire to manifest". And of course as it turned out, just as He said, it was a good thing, but boy, I was terrified at first. This will make more sense soon, I promise:) This morning I woke up wanting to be more like God. I have this overwhelming desire to give, rather than take. As soon as I ackowledged those feelings I felt inspired to write again, and out it flowed. It's a complete circle (giving and receiving), completely connected, you cannot have one without the other and be happy. We are all here to give and help raise each other up out of darkness. I feel so much joy when I am giving, way more than receiving, but the giving enables me to enjoy the gifts I receive.

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